Why.

 

While this blog is for me to keep in touch with myself and my emotions (Did anyone else just go ew? Just me? Ok.), I would also like for it to be a point of contact between myself and you. You might say to just make a social media post, but that fills me with insecurities and there’s a whole world there I don’t want to touch. For all the world I have to touch here, let me have that one there. And while I would love nothing more than to tell you that I have the mental and emotional stamina to respond to every text and answer every call, and then text and call each of you that are awaiting my texts and calls, I don’t. I’m not superwoman and I don’t want to be. I’ve been delegating as much as I can, but inevitably there are some of you that slip through the cracks. So you end up here. Thank you for coming and reading and loving me. 

I'm going to attempt to update once a week. If not for you, than for me. Strangely enough, the one thing I've missed about college is all the writing. I may have been extremely uninterested in the subjects (looking at you, political school lunch debate and subplinian volcanic eruptions!), but the words were always steady and the words were always there. Typing things out come much easier than saying them out loud because there's always the option to pause, consult a dictionary, or use autocorrect. So, once a week, an update regarding cancer or no cancer. Just typing words. 

Current update…here goes.

Physically, I feel pretty good. Yesterday I had port placement surgery. I’m not even sure where to begin with that in the best way possible. I was able to have the same surgeon, surgical technician, and anesthesiologist as I did for my biopsy surgery, and let me tell you…if I felt comfortable with them the first go around, they felt like best friends this go around. They were all easily the most wonderful group of people of I’ve ever met at one time in my life. When referring to my biopsy surgery, a friend told me I made it sound as if I had been on a vacation instead of having surgery to see what kind of cancer I have. In all seriousness, the doctors and nurses made it feel like that. With that said, you can see where I look back on yesterday and genuinely say it was a good experience. Not a good experience as in, "Going to the Melting Pot is a good experience, when are we going again?" but as in I couldn’t say anything bad about it. Sure, I am a little sore today. The proper word I believe would be uncomfortable. However, that’s nothing that a good cup of coffee, fresh PJ’s, a season of Gilmore Girls, and some Tylenol can’t fix.

Mentally and emotionally, I feel good. I really can’t explain it. If you read the last post, you know I’m simply doing the next thing and I’m trying to do it as well as possible.

The next thing is Monday. We’re meeting with the oncologist to go over PET scan results, MRI results, bloodwork, echocardiogram, and lung functioning tests. From there, we’ll formulate a treatment plan and what that’ll look like. We’ll hopefully get a good idea of what life will look like for the next few months. For now, we pause. We live our lives and cease to plan. We'll simply just keep doing the next thing. 

While updates may come from here, I still want to talk to you. I don’t want to not hear about your life or your life catastrophes. Fill me in on the drama and the tea.com. I don’t want the pity party, but I still want to know you and what’s going on. If you’re here, you know where I’m at and how to find me. Let's bear the burdens of life together. 

"Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ."

                - Galatians 6:2